Friday, May 13, 2005

Kickstand EP review
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It sucks. That's what I have to say. Kickstand sucks. They blow donkey dong. But you knew this.
So, Kickstand has a new EP available for download (free gratis, to quote Al Swearengen). And guess what? It sucks. Kickstand sucks. Like that's a surprise.
It starts off with Rebel No. 9, a stinging indictment of suburban kids who take up new school punk and emo. And then kicks it up a notch with Bitch Tits, a song about Michael Higgins' tremendous and perky man boobs. They still suck, so it's the Kickstand you know and love.
Then they do something unexpected. They get good. Their cover of Get Low just whups ass. Seriously. Who knew Little John wrote a song specifically for Kickstand? It sure feels like they were meant to do it. You have to remind yourself that it's Kickstand and you'd rather suck a wet fart out of your grampa's ass than listen to kickstand. It's difficult.
People looking for their usual offensive shittiness will be happy with the fourth track, Taste the Satan, which should offend just about everyone. And if you're not offended by it, you'll still think the song sucks.
Next up, another cover, this time of DMX's Party Up (Up in Here). They tear it a new asshole, but don't rip the roof off the motherfucker like they did Get Low. We Play Lacrosse is short, sweet and manages to rock hard while carrying their signature stink.
And their ballad, Love Song, well, it sucks hard. Exactly the way they wanted it to, I'm sure.

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