Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

The Magnificent 5 (Queeny’s Tops for 2003)

1. Lord of the Rings : Return of the King

Hands down, ROTK is numero UNO. This movie did it for me. It was emotionally charged. I absolutely adore Peter Jackson for realizing this film in a way I never imagined. What a milestone in filmmaking. RETURN OF THE KING is the mother of all epics.

2. Kill Bill vol. 1

I love arterial fountains and Go Go Yubari. I loved every second of this movie. When I watch it, my jaw is glued to the floor. Watching this movie is like having tunnel vision for 2 hours. I am so focused on The Bride’s ultimate goal, to kill Bill, nothing else exists for me. I cannot gush enough about this film, but I will stop.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me. GAHHHH! I will not complain about this movie, in anyway. It was a great action packed adventure. What a blast to watch Johnny Depp in all his brilliance. Johnny Depp is my favorite flavor this year, and him being Captain Jack Sparrow made this movie eleventy trillion times more exciting for me. What a grand adventure.

4. Once Upon A Time in Mexico

When I saw OUATIM, I wouldn’t shut up about it, I’m sure I was annoying. Until I saw Kill Bill and ROTK, this was my movie of the year. It is a splendid movie, regardless of what you blubber butts who hate it think. I personally believe this movie has tons of energy. It was damn funny in my opinion. So there.

5. Peter Pan

I saw this film yesterday. It was a whimsical and beautiful. I love the story of Peter Pan. I’m so glad that this movie wasn’t a Hook-ish movie. I’m glad that Peter Pan was a teenaged boy, not some 20 year old woman boy. If only James Hook had a Wendy of his own, Jason I. made me feel for Hook, even though he was being a false, tricksy lying Hook. My imagination went crazy when I saw Never Never Land, so perfect, just like this movie.

The movie Queeny was most disappointed by in 2003:

All I Want
Why, why, why?! That’s all ask. This movie seemed good in theory, but when I finally saw it, I was so sad. I guess the lesson here is not to build up a movie, just because the actor starring made a blockbuster hit. I just hope Elijah doesn’t go the way of the extinct dodo bird (Scientific name : Markinious Hamilsapian)

A movie that Queeny should’ve seen in 2003, and WILL see in 2004:

Tetsuo the Iron Man
Looks stunning. I will watch this movie. Apparently, it's not that great, but I am still going to watch it..

The movies Queeny is most excited for in 2004

1. Kill Bill Vol. 2 - For obvious reasons (see my top 5)
2. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - I felt deprived this year..
3. Troy - here’s my semi shallow side, FOR THE EYE CANDY..who’s with me?!
4. Hellboy – Just because I’m finally ready for a good Selma Blair movie.
5. Spider-Man 2 – The teaser looks nice, tre cool.

So there you have it. These are MY top 5 movies. I noticed that they are very "mainstream" but that's because I live in a hole in the midwest and we apparently aren't as important and I don't get the chance to see some movies that I hear are great until they come to video...when I am president I am going to make a bill that says the midwest will get movies when everywhere else gets them...we are the freakoids of the movie one loves us, we are like pieces of grass, when it rains, we are the last to know, and when a film comes to theatres, we are the last to get it, or we don't get it at all..just take a shit on us, we don't mind, WE are the midwest...

Monday, December 29, 2003

Adam's Top 5 Movies of 2003

You know, I haven't listened to enough music or watched enough TV to truly make good choices for top picks of the year in either of those fields. Shocking, but true.
I have seen quite a few movies, though, and I think I might be able to throw together a list of my favorites of the year, in ascending order:

5) Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
To be totally honest...I had been really excited about seeing this movie. Then the trailer came out. I suddenly wasn't that interested any more. Then, the studio moved the film to the fall. The anticipation waned. As the movie approached again, I suddenly remembered that it was a Peter Weir movie and I had nothing to worry about. Boy, was I glad I saw this movie on the big screen, the way it was meant to be seen. Weir has crafted a movie with adventure, heart and
unbelievable action. Russel Crowe's been a favorite of mine since Romper Stomper. Here, he shows every bit of confidence and bravado that an old-time Hollywood Star would display. Paul Bettany, as usual, is just fantastic. And Max Pirkis, should he desire to continue acting...has a FUTURE. The chops that that kid shows are scary. He's a talent, and I hope he develops properly into a great actor.

4) Kill Bill Volume 1
I'm a Tarantino whore. I admit it. QT makes movies for people like fans, pop-culture addicts. The disaffected children of the TV Generation. In I haven't seen a Tarantino movie that I haven't adored, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna keep making films that I absolutely postively MUST see (and...then, own in my collection).
I've never been a huge Uma Thurman fan (sorry, Penn Jillette). I am now. Her Bride may well become one of the great cinematic characters. She might become as iconic as Toshiro Mifune, Clint Eastwood and Chow Yun-Fat.
Kill Bill was made with me in particular. I'm convinced of it. It combines all of my favorite cinematic conventions from chop socky, samurai films, Westerns, revenge films, etc...and makes it all make perfect, glorious, rock-video sense. Stylish, smart, and rock fuckin' hard. Fuckin' great. Can't wait for part two.

3) House of Sand and Fog
Considering that this movie is barely out, I'm rather astonished to place it this high on the list. But, the more I go over the movie in my mind, the more I'm impressed with the little details in it, and the less I worry about the logical faults. People make mistakes. People misjudge. And the people in this movie make every single mistake they could possibly make during the span of the story. Sure, the movie's sold on Jennifer Connelly. But, Ben Kingsley broke my goddamn heart. He puts in the finest performance in his storied career.


2) [tie] Lord of the Rings: Return of the King/Bubba Ho-Tep
Considering that Peter Jackson started off the quirky guy that made wonderfully odd gems like Dead Alive, Bad Taste and Meet the'd never really guess that the man was capable of making films as epic, confident and masterful as the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Well, he saved the best for last. Return of the King juggles a massive cast deftly, propels viewers through a massive story with little breathing room and makes you CARE about each of the characters. It didn't hurt that every single actor involved put in a career-making performance. There is no moment in the movie that doesn't ring absolutely true. To say I'm excited about Jackson's next project, a big budget remake of the classic King Kong, would be an
understatement. But, I was giddy about the project years ago, when PJ was first attached to it.
Bubba Ho-Tep has no right to be as good as it ended up being. Based on a story by cult writer Joe R Lansdale and directed by cult filmmaker Don Coscarelli (Phantasm), Bubba Ho-Tep is quite possibly the weirdest concept to come down the pike in a dog's age: an elderly Elvis and an infirmed, dyed-black JFK fight a 3000 year-old Egyptian mummy who's sucking the souls out of retirees through their asses. Thing's got more pathos and heart than most 10 movies out there. Lansdale wrote the story because he couldn't envision a world where the King died on the crapper. He ended up creating a timeless tale of friendship, bravery and the human spirit. It doesn't hurt that fanboy fave Bruce Campbell is in the movie, but he disappears into his Elvis makeup so completely, you never once question that you're not watching Presley himself. And Ossie Davis...well, he's always been one of the best actors on the planet, and it's wonderful to see a man in the sunset of his career shine brighter than he did in youth.

1) Lost in Translation
This movie made me remember all the best parts of falling in love. It's sweet and wonderful...and REAL. Anyone who's ever been trapped away from home can empathize with the main characters' plights.
I've not been to Japan, and you see precious little of it in the movie, but I feel like I've visited. I've felt the weariness of Bill Murray's character. I've felt the isolation of Scarlett Johansen's character. And I've fallen in love on the road, knowing that I'd be parted in hours or days from my paramour.
Yes, I know it's supposed to be about Sofia Coppola and her husband, director Spike Jonze. If that's the case, then Coppola turned her broken heart into art. Everyone truly wants to be found, and I'm glad I saw this movie.
It's a special movie, and it brought a smile to my face that was hard to hide. Lovely, wonderful and joyous.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

I stayed overnight in the House of Sand and Fog, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!

Mistakes were made.
There are no simple answers in House of Sand and Fog. Every one of the characters is working from the best intentions. Each is horribly flawed. Every single decision they make is the wrong one.
The movie isn't a Greek tragedy. It's not that cut and dried. It's just a very human movie. Even when the actions of the characters defy logic, it's not because the plot just demands it. It's a mistake, a miscalculation on the character's part. The mistakes keep piling up and things just get really bad really fast.
Kathy Nicolo (Jennifer Connelly) is a recovering alcoholic. Her husband just left her. And the county comes and takes her house because of a $500 business tax she didn't even owe.
Colonel Behrani (Ben Kingsley) is a Persian immigrant with a wife who spends too much money and more menial jobs than you can count on the fingers of one hand. He buys Kathy's house at auction to improve his family's life.
As Billy, the bartender at the Arena Grand said, "It's Oscar season, so you know it ends badly." Oh, how right he is. You enter this movie with your eyes wide open. You know something tragic will happen. You're just not ready for how messy it gets.
I've not read the novel by Andre Dubus III. I don't know that I'd care to after the emotional battering I received at the hands of this movie. For the work of a first time director (Vadim Perelman), House of Sand and Fog shows remarkable confidence in its material and a deft hand in construction, aside from one mistake (we'll get to that later). Roger Deakins' cinematography is remarkable, as usual (he's the guy that does the Coen Brothers' movies).
Jennifer Connelly, is (of course) incredible. Nice to look at, too...but the woman has more talent than the entire von Trapp family. I've seen one female performance all year that could equal hers, and it was in a supporting role. Soooo, she might be doing another walk down the aisle in the Kodak Theater this year.
Ben Kingsley is a revelation. He's always an actor to watch, even when the material is sub par...but this time he gets to hit a massive Babe Ruth homer out of the park. He's the emotional center of the movie, and he shines.
And Ron Eldard...who isn't even in the damn trailers, is very good. He's been around, but never quite had his chance to show off his skillz. Hell, they even cut him out of Phone Booth (he was the original sniper). His deputy is lost in his life and sees Kathy as his way out. Eldard plays the inner conflict well...and when he realizes the mistakes he's made, he collapses in on himself. It's a small role, but a key one. Shohreh Aghdashloo and Jonathan Ahdout are both excellent as Behrani's wife and son.
My one complaint with the entire movie is starting the movie off with the very end moment, rather than let the film unfold from the beginning. Too many movies uses the conceit of making the entire fucking movie a flashback. Can't we start from the damn start? It's a minor bitch, but why give away the goddamn ending at the beginning of the movie?
It's not a perfect film, but it's a pretty damn good one. Just make sure you take plenty of tissues.

Greetings from the Swamp

This is my first attempt at posting on a Blog so bear with me if I make any errors.

As mentioned by adam earlier a few of our fellow chatters on Mirc, blue and Ava Bean ,came up with the idea of exchanging online Christmas gifts between friends. I had been unable to do it on time because I was busy shopping and dealing with family. Now that Christmas is over and everything has settled down I finally had time to make a few belated fantasy purchases for some of my online friends. I hope they enjoy the gifts as much as I enjoyed finding and choosing them. So in no special order here is my Christmas gifts.










wixlet and Neil

Friday, December 26, 2003

Desperately Seeking a Sugar-Mama!

Soooooooooo......just wanted all'y'all to know that I'm not dead. I'm not rotting in some coffin six feet under. I'm not grieved by anyone.

I'm just here.

And I'll be around years to come...

So, I just thought I'd post a little something for all my buddies and budettes out there!

Folks, Norway f*****g rules! Where else can you get lots and lots of snow, slippery roads, windy weather, people that speak funny and the second-most expensive prices in the world....wait a minute......I'm lying....Norway sux!

I need to get to the US......soon......very soon...if anyone wanna help me accomplish that, I'd be happy to provide you with my account number for you to transfer $50.000 to.

Blankman out!


Cold Mountain review

It's Oscar season, and all the studios are pushing out their award contenders. Thus, Miramax offers us Anthony Minghella's Cold Mountain, based on a novel by Charles Frazier.
I've never read the novel. I'm no fan of Minghella's. In fact, I think that his previous films suffered because of his involvement. However, I'll say no such thing about Cold Mountain. It's an excellent film, and Minghella seems to have truly hit his stride in bringing the printed word to screen.
The story of a Southern laborer who goes off to war, more or less because it's expected of him. Inman (Jude Law) is a man of few words. He's tired of war and fighting and death, and he just wants to get home to the woman he loves.
It's also the story of Ada Monroe (Nicole Kidman), the Southern belle Inman fell for, who must learn to fend for herself when her fragile world falls apart around her. The war takes the men from her town, tuberculosis takes her father from her, and she is left alone and helpless with no skills to survive on. Ada can't even cook for herself, and ekes out a lonely existence hiding from her charitable neighbors and avoiding the attentions of the local Home Guard captain, Teague (Ray Winstone), who covets Ada's farm and takes special pleasure in rooting out deserters. Eventually, Ada is approached by Ruby Thewes (Renee Zellweger), an uneducated, crude woman with big plans for the farm. Together, they manage the land and even out each others' weak points...Ada's naivete and lack of real world skills and Ruby's cold heart and lack of culture.
Inman sees all his friends cut down by the Civil War, is wounded in battle, and escapes from a military hospital to begin a lonely trek home. The road is long and hard -- and filled with peril, too, as the Home Guard patrol the road and rivers.
Funny thing is, I've told you what happens in the story, but not what it's really about. Cold Mountain is about the shorthand poetry that exists between two lovers...a thousand fleeting moments that they remember when they're parted. Minghella's predeliction for voiceovers and flashbacks really serves the movie well, as Ada's letters and words carry Inman's failing spirit home. The two barely know each other, but it's those moments that hold them together.
The writing and performances in Cold Mountain are excellent, but it's the photography where Minghella finally makes some advances. No more heavy filters, no more over-reliance on warm lighting. John Seale's cinematography captures both the beauty and the grime of the south with equal grace. Gorgeous looking film.
The movie is filled with great bit parts and cameos, including Phillip Seymour Hoffman as a fallen preacher; Melora Walters and Giovanni Ribisi as a couple of backwoods rednecks; Natalie Portman as a young, widowed mother; and Brendan Gleeson, Jack White and Ethan Suplee as a band of deserters turned musicians who take up residence near Ava's farm. Yes, that's Jack White from the White Stripes, and he's just fine as an actor (though he really doesn't have much to do).
Yes, I know the holiday season is jam-packed with movies. But, check out Cold Mountain. I think you'll really like it.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

More Virtual Giftus!

For Sandy


For Vegas, Saffy, Cassidy and Lily


For Smudje


Happy Holidays everyone!

Muchos gracias for the smorgasbord of virtual giftuses from Adam. I like the virtual gift concept. Even if you don't actually get the physical gift, you still get the warm feeling that someone is thinking about you.

::cue misty-eye causing music::

Hope everyone has a safe and rocking holiday. And remember . . . don't nog and drive.

What will you get in your stocking this Christmas? by spiritluv
Sticking out the top:Instructions to go to the bedroom.
Somewhere in the middle:Instructions to strip naked.
Resting in the heel:Perfume
Shoved into the toe:Hershey Kisses.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Thanks to JennJenn.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

I went shopping!

Merry Chaunakhaahahkahaka.

Zelda has arrived! Huzzah!

hello lovelies! this is my first post, hazahh. i already feel addicted! Happy boxing day eve, eve..also Merry 1 week anniversary of the release of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. peace out? long live peter jackson. by the way, this is me, queeny!

It's Christmas Time

Anyhoo, the blueman, being a creative and dynamic individual, came up with the wonderful idea of a virtual gift exchange amongst us blogging types. We're to come up with nice gifts that we would purchase for our online buds if we were loaded.
Since it's not out yet, I can't buy you all THIS.
If I were REALLY rich, you'd all get THIS.
If I missed you...please e-mail me. I didn't intend to miss ya, and I'll look around for things that, if I actually HAD money, I'd buy ya. I don't really have any, so yer not gettin' doodley-squat. In any case, Merry Christmas, folks!

Here's some cool stuff for cool people...

For Ava...


For Blue


For JennJenn


For Sean


For Amanda


For Jamie


For Lisa


For James


For Jacob


For AlexanderDLarge


For Yoda


For kannibal


For The Blankman


For Nordling


For emeraldluxury


For MrSinister




For Towelie


For InvaderZim


For Skyblade


For thx


For SkellyTOR


For BluLighter


For Ozymandias


For Queeny


For Otaking


For jr


For Huneybee (Did you think I'd forget you?)


and...last, but not least...TV's Bryan Burke


Sunday, December 21, 2003

Drunk and Back Again: A Film Geek's Theatrical Journey

A few hours back, I got back from my second trip to see Return of the King. I'm filled with happiness and joy. The movie is just wonderful. Simply wonderful.
My first foray to the theater was...eventful. I hadn't planned on seeing the movie until today (Saturday) anyway. I hadn't been able to score Trilogy Tuesday tix. I missed two advance screenings. I'd given up on seeing the movie damn near entirely.
I was sitting at home on Monday night and my friend Kaveman called me with the news that there were two tickets left for the midnight show in Theater 5 at the Arena Grand...the bestest place to see movies in the state of Ohio.
Well, wisdom has never been my strong suit, so I said what the hell, and headed down to the Grand for their line party as soon as I got off work. Well, the party when I got there consisted of ten people. Two doing homework, one playing solitaire, six sitting there doing nothing and me. Some fucking party. No one was even talking to each other. So, I had a beer. Then, I had a lot more.
Long story short, I got my drink on. On camera, too...the local news was there filming the line, and I had 4 people call me to tell me they saw me drinking beer on TV. There's no denying it at this point. I was drunk. Actually, I was Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. I was the damn party now. The theater staff was mightily amused by my drunkeness, seeing as I'm usually the genteel, polite guy who knows half their names and tips well at the bar. Yeah, that's right...I usually behave myself. The staff of the Grand didn't get to see that side of my personality before then.
So, I was drunk and doofy and Kaveman finally showed up at about 11 pm, a bit before they sat for the movie. When they let us in, I immediately selected a primo seat downstairs (didn't get tix for the balcony, as it sold out weeks before). Apparently, I ran upstairs and paid my bar tab...but promptly forgot that I did. I sat and saw the trailers for Spider-Man 2 and the sequel to The Mask, watched the opening flashback with Smeagol and Deagol, and promptly passed out.
I missed a good portion of the movie...though apparently I was drifting in and out of consciousness, as there are bits and pieces I remember from my passout. I remember the army of Minas Morgul and the Paths of the Dead, and then I woke up just at the start of the siege of Minas Tirith.
I was still quite drunk, though, and could barely make heads or tails out of the movie. I liked what I remember of it. I just didn't have a truly coherent picture of it in my mind.
So, the movie let out finally, and I staggered out and attempted to pay my already paid bar tab again. It took the closing manager about a half hour to track down the bartender (at home, asleep, mind you...) to confirm that yes, I paid my tab and should go home and sleep off my buzz.
I trekked back to the theater on Saturday and began running into all of my favorite theater employees...all of whom giggled at me immediately. I apologized to the Billy, the bartender, for waking him up, and we discussed bad behavior when drunk -- he claims to have several dozen stories that can top anything I can throw at him. I got a pizza for lunch and a bigass pop and tipped him VERY well by means of apologizing again.
I got in line and talked with the other people waiting to see the movie, including a retarded guy who was very excited about seeing Lord of the Rings, but wasn't sure if it was a new movie or not. Nice enough guy, very enthusiastic about it, especially once a lady in line and I explained it was the third movie in the series. In short order, we were hustled into the theater where I took a good seat in the center yet again and finished my pizza.
No new trailers...I was kind of hoping for something more impressive, though I'm really liking the Spider-Man 2 teaser more and more with each subsequent viewing.
As for ROTK...I cannot say enough other than I loved it wholeheartedly. It made me run the gauntlet of emotions without once ever feeling cloying or manipulative. I was impressed by even the bit performances. The special effects were, for the most part, utterly outstanding. The movie was, at every turn, the most epic and most personal movie I've seen in ages. I feel sorry for anyone that never gets the chance to see it, and I now can't wait for the extended edition that will come out next fall, just so I can discover the movie again for the first time.
Loved it. Loved it! LOVED IT!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Random Funny Links Volume 1

Look out Fiddy-Cent!

Look! An actual interesting musical!

It's sacralicious! (Yes, I'm aware this has been posted recently. But it's THAT good.

Michael Jackson would be a free em . . . man (I guess) today if this game applied to boys, and if he actually cared about discerning between men and boys.

Now get to your holiday shopping, you slackers!

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Cut Footage from Return of the King!

My god! How could they not inlcude THIS!

Monday, December 15, 2003

Great New Trailer!

Check out the new trailer for The Passion of the Christ...

Movies You Really Should Own (and Don't) Volume 3

Running Time
(1999, directed by Josh Becker)
available on DVD from Anchor Bay Entertainment

I'm a Bruce Campbell fan.
Actually, I'm a Bruce Campbell whore. Let's face it, most Bruce fans get a little too enthusiastic about the man, and I'm no exception. I've met the man, I've spent time talking with the man, and I still can't get enough of him. Part of it is that he's one of the most accessible celebs on the planet. Another part is that he tends to be in a lot of quirky, original movies that geeks Evil Dead, Bubba Ho-Tep and this.
Running Time attempts to do the same thing as Hitchcock's Rope...telling a story in one single shot. Actually, since it was shot on film, there are several hidden cuts (same as Rope), so the actors didn't have to perform the entire movie in one take. That wasn't accomplished until Russian Ark.
Running Time is a simple heist film, aside from the cinematic conceit. Different ground for The Bruce, sure. It's directed by Josh Becker, a childhood friend of Campbell and Sam Raimi, who's done quite a bit of TV direction. If nothing else, Campbell and Raimi do right by their friends. Anita Barone, the female lead, is yet another fellow Michigander. And, there's a quick cameo by Bridget Hoffman, the girl from the posters for Evil Dead.
From the opening credits and the black and white photography, you can tell it's an old school crime flick, and it doesn't really veer from formula. As expected, nothing goes right and things get really messy really quick. Chances are, you've seen a good deal of the moments in this movie in other films.
That doesn't lessen the impact at all, testement to Becker's directing. It's not Scorcese, mind you, but it's better than most trash that hits theaters any more. Becker does more with no money, a few actors and a steadi-cam than Michael Bay does with $100 million. If nothing else, it's great to see your hero The Bruce in something different and new.
Nothing much in the line of extras...a trailer and commentary with Becker and Campbell. But, as Bruce fans know, he's worth listening to for anecdotes, jokes and general great useless information.
Love The Bruce. Love this movie. This, I command!

Saturday, December 13, 2003

My Fortune Cookie

Stiff in opinions, always in the wrong.

Hockey is the Sport of Kings

I feel blessed to live in a city with two hockey teams: the NHL Columbus Bluejackets and the UHL Columbus Stars.
I've been to one Jackets game this season, and really should go to more...
But, what I really wanna talk about is minor league hockey. REAL hockey. The Columbus Stars probably earn minimum wage. They don't have their own ice rink...they play at the State Fairgrounds. They're not even affiliated with an NHL team at present, which limits the players' prospects of eventually making it to the NHL.
The NHL, particularly in Columbus, has become very Disneyfied. People bring families and behave all genteel. That ain't fucking hockey. Hockey is getting drunk and getting up on the glass and heckling motherfuckers. At the Stars games...I get to do that.
There are supposed to be assigned seats at Stars games. That rule just doesn't really apply, though. We pay for cheap seats and find seats on the glass. First off, the little ledge is a great beer holder. Second, the glass is where the action is at. Right in front of you, some guy is getting his head smeared across the boards. That's hockey. Third, proximity provides better opportunities to heckle.
Other fans react very positively to our rude, drunken behavior. We're funny. We affect the game. We actually should have gotten an assist last night. We rattled the Missouri River Otters' goalie so damn much, he bobbled the puck into his own goal with nary another player in sight (fucking putz...hope he enjoys unemployment...hehehe). Of course...we also adopted a heckle from a group of little girls last night, so we're not the only ones in on the act. We've been invited to sit with/have a beer with other fans. The mascots seem to love us. But, being that they're girls and we're young, dynamic and handsome hockey fans...well, do the math. Chicks dig hockey fans almost as much as they dig hockey players.
I love going to Stars games. I've become an addict. Every single game I go to, I lose my damn voice. My hands are sore from beating on the glass. I even own a Columbus Stars jersey now. Yup...I emptied my pockets and got me a gorgeous blue away jersey yesterday along with enough beer to drown an elephant.
Minor league hockey is fast and action packed. The game tends to be rougher because there's more on the time. Players get knocked around, shoved into the glass, checked, punched and generally beat up. It's hockey the way the NHL used to be. It's real hockey. People should be filling the stands.
The problem one's going to the Stars games. We have an NHL franchise in town and demand isn't particularly high for a second team. That, and people are always biased against minor league sports. Funny, I love minor league baseball as much or more than the major leagues. Could be because we have a minor league franchise in town, but I've been to a couple other clubs and like the intimacy of a minor league game. Hell, if the Columbus Clippers didn't have Drew Henson, I wouldn't even heckle at Clippers games. Hockey is just the best damn sport there is. And minor league hockey is so damn affordable, I just don't see why people aren't flocking to it.
Support your local hockey team, folks. Go to a few games. Make noise. Buy a hat or jersey. You might like it.
You might become an addict like me.

Friday, December 12, 2003

Los Straitjackets Christmas Pageant
Featuring the World Famous Pontani Sisters
with special guests The Legendary Shack Shakers

Little Brother's, Columbus Ohio, Dec. 11

Viva Los Straitjackets!
I wasn't expecting a Christmas-themed show. Quite the contrary, I was just thinking I was heading into a typical evening of great surf rock with the best goddamn surf band since the Ventures (sorry, Man or Astro-Man just isn't as fucking cool).
Since you've (hopefully) read my Psycho Beach Party review, you know I'm a fan. I still haven't gone to the trouble of buying a luchador mask from them, but I've considered it many times.
The show got off to a hot start courtesty of fellow Nashville residents The Legendary Shack Shakers. Twangin', bangin', rump-shakin' redneck rockabilly was just what the doctor ordered. I'm interested in hearing what they've got out on CD, because they put on one hell of a live show.
They started dragging out Christmas decorations, and I did a double take. This was gonna be a fun night. I found a comfy spot on the corner of the stage and hunkered down.
Los Straitjackets are a fanfuckingtastic live band, and their Christmas Pageant didn't disappoint. They threw in loads of old favorites, and brought out the Pontani Sisters to dance with them during the X-Mas numbers. Not that I don't like staring at guys in Mexican wrestling masks, but the sisters were a welcome addition to the team. I, being male, love having a shapely, sequined female ass shaking in my face. It's what the holiday season is all about.
You get anywhere near a Straitjackets show, go. You get anywhere near their Christmas Pageant...RUN.
Remaining Tour Dates:
Fri, Dec. 12 2003 The Magic Stick Detroit, MI
Sat, Dec. 13 2003 Beachland Ballroom Cleveland, OH
Sun, Dec. 14 2003 Southgate House Newport, KY
Mon, Dec. 15 2003 Highdive Champaign, IL
Tue, Dec. 16 2003 Oneida Bingo & Casino Green Bay, WI
Wed, Dec. 17 2003 First Avenue Minneapolis, MN
Thu, Dec. 18 2003 Luther's Blues Madison, WI
Fri, Dec. 19 2003 The Abbey Pub Chicago, IL
Sat, Dec. 20 2003 Fitzgerald's Berwyn, IL

Thursday, December 11, 2003

ANOTHER New Additon!

Welcome to the fantabulous Ava, our newest contributor!
We look forward to hearing from you!

You're Off My Christmas Card List! No, wait...

Hallmark's gonna get in on this action...

Jamie is Here! Hide the Women!
Hi everyone
Jamie McGonigle here

Thank you, Adam, for the very nice introduction below :)

I'll be posting all about movies for the most part, maybe some music here and there, but I think you'll learn quickly I'm a very passionate beware of my extremely enthusiastic rants :)

The Queen has Arrived!?!?

hello hello hello.....

your QUEEN has arrived....all is well now.

carry on.

Sex Bracelets??? Where can I get some?

So, apparently there's some urban myth that kids where 80s style jelly bracelets to offer sex acts to other kids. Hell, CNN's even picked up on the story., the net's repository of urban legends, cannot confirm the validity of the rumor.
Personally, I'm rather concerned about this. The media pushes sexuality on kids so strongly that kids are actually maturing physically faster than they used to. I don't have an easy answer of when's the right time for a teen to become sexually active, but I really think that kids need to be able to remain kids.
Honestly, the whole thing sounds like something some swingers' club would come up with...

Nursery Rhymes are BAD for You!

Canadian researchers (obviously on a government grant), say that nursery rhymes like Humpty Dumpty discourage children from seeking medical treatment. No shit. Really. Don't believe me? FINE.

Isn't the point that Humpty Dumpty fell, broke and couldn't be put back together? There's no happy ending for Humpty. He doesn't get up and skip into the sunset. He lays there with his frickin' yolk all over the ground. C'mon, people!
What really gets me...these supposed researchers have degrees. They're educated. And they're still idiots.

Monday, December 08, 2003

The Blankman arriveth...

Right, so I'm obviously in everyone's despair! I will know use all my power, which is insanely little, to crush all you puny humans!! Bwaaaahahaha!!!


Sunday, December 07, 2003

Welcome to Jamie!

Filmmaker. Fashion template. Male escort.
Jamie is all these things and more.
We're glad to have him.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

Another Google Trick!

Go to Google and type in the words "weapons of mass destruction".
Then, click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

Thanks to bamf

Mystique #7
Writer: Brian K Vaughn
Art: Michael Ryan
published by Marvel Comics

Mystique as a character has never gotten her due. She's always been portrayed as an emotially and morally complex character. But few writers have attempted to exploit the tremendous gray area she inhabits ethically. Claremont gave her noble motives at times, an ambiguous relationship with Destiny and a foster daughter for whom she had a great deal of affection, all while leading a group called the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
Now, she's got her own book that's soaked in moral ambiguitiy. She's become a superspy in the service of Professor X, undertaking covert missions that cannot be traced back to the X-Men. Her first mission took her to Cuba, where she was forced to take a child's life to save the lives of dozens of others. She managed not to pull the trigger, but still couldn't save the girl. Brian K Vaughn doesn't give many easy solutions, and isn't afraid to ask tough choices of his characters.
I have a thing for women with attitude, and Vaughn's Mystiquie has it in spades. She's smart, dangerous and always capable. That, and she looks kick ass in black leather. I'm not one to wax poetic about comic bad girls, but were a special lady to show up at my house covered in blue body paint, I wouldn't be adverse to playing Evil Mutant, if you know what I'm saying.
Until then, I'll be reading this book. Great stuff.

What Michael Should Look Like

is just disturbing.

(blatantly stolen from blue)


Nothing beats the insipid dullness of sitting in on a blustery Saturday in the Northeast than the warming glow of the Bravo Network on God's gift to this green earth (no slight to Ralph Nader intended): TEE VEE.

Stemming from the many varying programs that have debuted on non-network affiliated stations in the past few years (a substantial result of the "reality television" boom) are a host of sister channel rivalries designed to contend (and identify) with the Survivor demographic. One of these programs, unbelievably in these cynical times, has aspirations beyond creating sheer pleasure derived from watching human beings make assholes out of themselves for money. (No slight against Julia Roberts is intended.) Am I sounding like the Architect from The Matrix Reloaded yet? I just bought a new thesaurus.

Kudos goes to Bravo for their interesting take on the reality-show genre. Celebrity Poker pits celebrites of various rank against one another in whirlwind No-Limit Texas Hold'em poker. The object is to win through a series of rounds culminating in a playoff for a $250,000.00 pot. The celebrities get to keep a portion of the winnings for themselves, but a predetermined amount (assumedly chosen by the network) goes to the lucky celebrity's charity of choice.

I like this concept. It matches my macho lust for high-stakes cards with the sweeter center of me that identifies with Jimmy Fund commercials that run in front of movies played at my favorite cinema - usally ten commercials down from the super-fun quizes that play pre-show, and six, four minute trailers away from the start of the fucking feature presentation.

So how does this tie in to the title of my post? Ben Affleck was suckered to go all in on a $28,000.00 pot and lost.

Fuck Ben Affleck. Fuck him up his stupid ass. (No slight to Matt Damon intended.)

Just Do This...Trust Me.

Go to Google and type in the words "miserable failure".
Then, click on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

Thanks to Cathy for pointing me in the right direction...

Are we headed back to space?

Since the Space Shuttle disaster, the future of NASA was in doubt. Our future in space looked bleak.
Apparently, the recent launch of China's first astronaut has changed things...
According to THIS article, the administration is looking to return to space. More ambitiously, they're looking to return to the moon (maybe on a permanent basis)...and possibly a manned mission to Mars.
We need to return to space. Not just to beat the Chinese...but because mankind's future has always been in exploration and discovery. Stagnation isn't good for us, intellectually or evolutionarily. Mankind is a restless creature.

Now, someone needs to build me a lightsaber...

JamesLaw - New Kid on the Blog

Hello, everyone. I'm an invitee of Adam Bicsanszky (better known as FOOKA or UncleFooka or UncleFucka to those less familiar). I met Adam in the world of IRC, hunkered away in room that's a spin off of this site here. So, you're probably guessing that I'm a huge movie geek . . . and you sir (or madame) are correct! (Have a cigar.) I've met tons of other cool people in said same place: Sherri, Sandy, former President Bill Clinton. (Actually, I ran into Bill in the Hot Teenz Home Alone room, but only because I was new to IRC at the time and didn't know how to navigate the damn thing.)

Bill says, "Hi!"

I'm new to this whole BLOGGING technowhatchamacalit. But as karma would have it, I opened up my fresh copy of the ABA Journal this morning and, lo and behold, the issue deals with ten new technologies utilized in the legal profession. One of the top five happens to be Weblogs. The uptight, anal-retentive professionals of the law (myself included) call them WEBLAWGS. Who said that legal professionals are artistically dead? See? They call them webLAWGs. HA! Ahem . . . (ellipses copyrighted by Harry Knowles 1997).

I'll leave you today with this. Y'know, if wolves could fly helicopters they'd do the same to us!

Another New Addition

Welcome to the mighty JamesLaw. Poet, humorist, legal analyst, metrosexual.
What more do you say about the template of the modern American male?
I wait with baited breath for his first posting.

Friday, December 05, 2003

Movies You Really Should Own (and Don't) Volume 2: Psycho Beach Party

(2000, directed by Robert Lee King)
available on DVD from Strand Releasing Home Video

The makers of Psycho Beach Party sure love their B-movies. From the ginchy soundtrack by Ben Vaughn and Tennessee’s finest surf rock outfit, Los Straitjackets, to the absolutely incomprehensible dialogue and plot courtesy of writer Charles Busch (adapting from his stage play), the movie reeks of 50s and 60s B cheesiness.
Chicklet (played by Six Feet Under’s Lauren Ambrose) is a typical teenage girl, yearning to blossom into womanhood, but stuck in a flat-chested, boyish body. Typical, yes, but also totally insane. Chicklet suffers from multiple personality disorder and can turn into a demanding psycho bitch or a timid Mexican grocery clerk on a moment’s notice.
After watching some surfers, Chicklet decides she wants to ride the long board too. Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Nicholas Brendon plays Starcat, a psych major-turned leader of the local surfers. She hears about the Great Kanaka (Thomas Gibson), the king of the surfin’ crowd and decides he’s the man to teach her. Kanaka doesn’t agree until he gets a taste of Chicklet’s Anne Beumont persona, a dominatrix.
Did I mention that there were horrible murders? No? Well, there are murders. The movie’s called PSYCHO Beach Party. There’s gotta be a psycho involved. It’s a rule. Of course, this being a horror movie, I should mention that it’s only the sexually promiscuous teens that get the ax…or the slashed throat…or beheaded…or whatever. You guys, being net junkies, are totally safe.
Chicklet starts noticing that she’s blacking out when her alternate personalities take over, and begins to suspect that she might be the murderer. There’s also subplots with a faded horror movie actress, a Swedish exchange student, two surfer guys who like wrestling with each other a little too much, a bitchy chick in a wheelchair and there’s a transvestite cop. Well, actually, the cop is a woman, but she’s played by Charles Busch, who is very much a trannie.
There’s enough sexual ambiguity in this movie to fuel a David Bowie comeback. There’s some honest attempts to salute B filmmaking from days of yore. There’s hot chicks (including Catch Me If You Can’s Amy Adams) in bikinis. There’s ghey guys glistening with sweat. There’s serial killing. There’s a plethora of double entendres (“These guys only have one thing on their minds…Want a weiner?”). There’s a plot in there, somewhere. And, of course, there’s a surf rock band from Tennessee who perform in Mexican wrestling masks.
Buy it now, and discover the goodness. Would I lie to you?

The World's Oldest Penis!

Yes, ladies...It's true.
Click HERE to check out a 425 million year-old penis.

A Christmas Gift Idea...?

Taito is manufactuing new Space Invaders consoles for the US...
You guys know you love me THIS much...

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Desperation and Struggle

"Understanding the meaning of struggle
Giving your whole life to a single passion
Which others may or may not
Consider obsolete

Like a rare flower
Seen by a few before it withers and dies
(before it withers and dies)
Seeing it all
All the way through the very end

A full stop followed by an exclamation mark
Written in your flesh and blood
Getting knocked down every time
Getting knocked down every moment
you get up - until you love getting up"

-- "Struggle" by Killing Joke

From the BBC...

A musician in Moldova has gone to an extraordinary length to get his career started - by selling his kidney to afford a saxophone.

Sergiu, 23 - who as a professional musician has toured parts of Europe - sold the kidney to a Turkish hospital for $10,000 (£5,800).

He has since been able to afford the instruments to further his career in the poverty-stricken eastern European country.

"This is my only profession. All I know is to make music," Sergiu told the BBC's Romanian service.

"I don't know anything else. I can't do anything else, and my future depends on these instruments I have," he said.

"They are my daily bread."

I really cannot relate to the desperation that Sergiu felt, to donate a kidney so that he could afford a saxophone.
I've never felt desperate for anything.
It's not that I'm wealthy, or anything like that. Quite the contrary. I have next to nothing. I have a crappy job that pays enough for me to have a roof over my head and pay the bills. That's really about it. I have enough money to pay for food because I'm a notary and can collect a dollar fifty a pop from that.
I spend what's left of my income on personal entertainment, as I am single. I could save some of it, but it wouldn't amount to a hill of beans in a decade. I have a tiny little checking account, and a tiny little savings account in a bank that isn't even in town.
I suppose I supposed to be desperate. I'm supposed to feel hunger and rage. But, I can't. Life is really good to me. I've never been to the point where I had to truly sacrifice. I never feel unloved or truly alone. I'm truly thankful for that.
Is art supposed to be about struggle and sacrifice? We have our romantic ideals of the starving artist, or the struggling writer...but I can't believe in that.
Art is struggle, yes. But it's also joy. And I'd rather wrap myself in happiness than strife at the end of the day.
Unless, of course, it was Gonads and Strife...

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Don't record that TV show, son...

According to the IEEE Spectrum magazine, the FCC voted unanimously on November 4 to require all products manufactured after July 1, 2005 that contain digital TV recievers to recognize digital copyright flags.
What this means is that your soon, your TiVO isn't gonna let you put your favorite episodes of Alias online. You'll be able to record once, but not copy that recording or transfer it to another medium. The idea is, when HDTV becomes a standard in 2007, you won't be putting perfect copies of shows up on the net. A noble effort, I'm sure...but destined to be problematic.
Let's say you appear on a game show. You set your digital recorder to capture the show. Well, now you can't send a copy to Aunt Polly.
Another example. You run a renegade political website. You record the State of the Union address and try to post clips online. Ooops, sorry, ya can't do that...Even if you record C-SPAN's feed. Which is public domain.
On the plus side, this likely means that pirated content might be easier to trace. Of course...this will only work until some enterprising hacker breaks whatever code they come up with for the flag., RIP

As of noon Pacific time today, will cease to exist.
This does not mean the imminent demise of slave1project, my online musical identity. Really. I'm not quitting.
Sure, I haven't updated my page in a couple of months, but the way I create music with Acid 3.0 is such a ephemeral thing, adding new layers of sound and stripping them away simultaneously until I arrive at something I'm happy with, that I'm surprised I've ever actually FINISHED anything.
Anyway...I have to find a new site to host my mp3s. Any ideas?

Monday, December 01, 2003

Microsoft are poopieheads and they eat poop and they are made of poop!

Internet Explorer can kiss my ass.
So, I've had terrible trouble with the Javascript in IE for some time now, and everyone I talked to just dismissed it as another shit Microsoft product pissing down my leg. I, being gullible, kept trying to get Explorer to work the way it's supposed to. Yeah, I'm THAT FUCKING STUPID.
So, on the advice of some fucking advice drone at Microsoft, I reconfigured my security and privacy settings. Nothin. Less than nothing, actually. Lowering my security settings actually made it more DIFFICULT to do shit. Go figure.
Well, that wasn't enough. I whined and bitched about it continually, and eventually someone told me I should reset my internet options in IE and install Sun's Java application. Man, was that a fucking mistake. As bad as IE was, it sucked even harder with the alien Java installed. It fucked up Explorer to the point where I could no longer log onto Blogger to edit this which point I went totally fucking insane.
Well, after all this drama...a white knight rode in and had me download Mozilla Firebird. Damn, if it's not FASTER and EASIER to use than Microsoft's shit browser. AND...I can use all the weird Javascript that didn't work before...except for StatTracker for my fantasy football league. Well, I guess I'll have to keep IE for my weekend addiction.
Thanks much to the blueman for hooking me up with a browser that WORKS.
Had I a medal to give you...

Hail and Welcome!

Welcome to the mighty Dan, our newest member and contributor.
He's better known online as Towelie, fearsome troll and earstwhile funny guy. Hopefully, soon, he'll be known as a famous artist, too. Because he rules. Check out the link on the left if you don't believe me.
As soon as I teach him all the proper handshakes and gangsigns, he's going to be thrilling us with his unique wit and dashing good looks.
Well, for the good looks, you'll just have to beg him for pics.